This is What Depression Looks Like

Postnatal-depression-Organic-Coconut-Toowoomba

This is me today, as raw as you’ll get. I haven’t showered and I’ve only brushed my hair and thrown on one of my husband’s flanno’s to give the illusion that I’m holding it all together. And you know what? I probably am, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. My depression has reared it’s ugly head again and it sucks.

I’ve made excuses for my feelings for weeks now, it’s just because money is tight, it’s just stress from having X amount of things to do, if only the house was clean… Yeah right. It’s not the house, it’s me.

I started this business as a means to help others who are struggling with ill health, particularly depression. I wanted to give people a way out without further harming their body through medications, without the financial burden that comes with natural therapies and without the hopelessness it all causes. But I haven’t achieved that yet and now I’m in that place again, so what next?

Some days, I can’t even bring myself to shower. I wont leave the house, I wont have visitors and I’ll hate myself for it. Sometimes I’ll even go 2 days without showering. I want company but don’t want to face people, I want to talk it out but shut down every helpful suggestion, I want to feel better but I don’t want to have to do the work.

I didn’t even know if I should write this post because honestly I feel embarrassed. I’m embarrassed that I let my 4year old live off snacks, I’m embarrassed that I scream at my child when he’s done nothing wrong and I’m embarrassed that I’ve built a business around health and wellbeing and yet I’m not always well myself.

Today I don’t even feel capable of supporting myself.

If one of my friends came to me with these feelings I would tell them to see the chiropractor, the naturopath, the kinesiologist and to improve their diet. But if you can’t afford the chiropractor, the naturopath, the supplements… What’s left?

And some days you don’t feel like looking on the bright side, you just want to feel heard and have your feelings validated. Today this is me.

‘Organic Coconut is an online health food store and healthy living blog based in Queensland, Australia. Specialising in Virgin Coconut Oil, Organic Coconut Foods and Natural Body Products, the team behind Organic Coconut aim to help you improve your mood, heal your body and enhance your life through an integrative approach.’

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